communism doesn't work

I, During a well earned coffee break today risked being lynched for daring to turn the TV channel over from 4Music to *gasp* BBC news. Now I'm sure this to you may seem slightly a minor thing, indeed possibly even something that , in any normal place of work, would not even cause anyone to even look up from their coffee of choice (Currently we have the choice of 5 variations of coffee available!!! only 55p a cup!!)

Sadly the murmurs of annoyance were being prepared in the throats of the assorted work-force even as I confidently stood up and paced towards the TV, now in my defence I would like to point out at the time that nobody was watching the TV, indeed nobody seemed to be listening as all that was on was some weird hybrid of an interview/advert, you know the ones, "this is an advert" in small letters across the bottom yet filmed as an authentic interview. I digress.

Since the open vote for what everyone would like to see installed in the newly refurbished canteen (nobody thought to ask about the pricing structure of the coffee), We have, as requested by the majority of the workforce, been the proud 'owners' of a large flat screen telly stood proud in the corner of the room, like some shining beacon of just how nice a firm this is, Look!! it screams. WE LISTEN TO YOU!!

'They' don't by the way, I know, as I can count myself as part of 'they' no membership fees are payable, simply work hard enough , have yourself elevated to a position in which people can assume you actually hear all the juicy gossip, indeed that they assume you actually care whether a TV or a pool table gets shoved in the canteen.

So. As I returned to my seat, picked up my 55p coffee of choice and brought it to my lips, Mutterings of annoyance were threatening to disturb my viewing of the breaking news that Gordon Brown had called some poor old lady a "Nazi" or something.

Upon returning to the relative safety of my office I inquired further as to what the problem with changing the channel was exactly. Turns out that a rota exists which determines what channel is to be on each day, no room for a brief snapshot of news, or in the case of 4music, entertainment. No, it has been written that each week a piece of paper goes up on a notice board and people choose which channel to watch, this, so I'm told is the fairest way. I would argue that to choose simply one channel would quite possibly be the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Why on earth would you commit nearly 400 people to a day of watching QVC simply because some weirdo wants to watch "electronics hour"? Answer, you wouldn't.

My investigations proved, rather sadly, that QVC has never been chosen.

Now I have many choices to make on a daily basis, what socks to wear for example, deciding which channel the works telly should be locked on is not one I'm prepared to contribute on. I have on the other hand, had both time and will enough to find the remote for aforementioned telly and plan on creating havoc on a daily basis. you wish to watch the Jeremy Kyle show Shelly? no problem. top gear on channel Dave you say Mark? allow me.

So in summery, public ownership simply doesn't work, if only I had been consulted before we all bought a load of banks debts, never mind, maybe next time. At least I managed to complete my working day without calling a little old lady a bigot. Nice one Gordon.

SPS

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ps

Don't get me started on why a cup of coffee is 55p, you can have no idea the levels of 5p hoarding that goes on since the machines give no change. It's barbaric. bloody bigots.