Like A Sausage Up Leek Road

I'm referring to this.

On initial read, it's fairly amusing to the more juvenile of us. A MAN having SEX with a HORSE! LOL!!1!!1 ZOMG.

Secondly, the URL "pensioner-guilty-sex-donkey-horse" - how impersonal. How do they think that this would make said horse and said donkey feel after all they've been through? They don't even name aforementioned animals, probably due to data or victim protection.

This brings me nicely to my third query - victims? However impartial and fact based this mini article seems to be, which is amusing in itself, we can't help but find victims in every story, in this case, beasts of the equestrian flavouring. Who knows who came on to who? You know how those little flirts on Blackpool beach are, who knows what goes on backstage at the Grand National and, see below... that's love.


These romantic intervals may have caused emotional pain for said horse and donkey, splashed over the papers, realising you're not the only one etc but, I very much doubt that there was any physical injury accrued. 1. If they didn't like it they should have said no and 2. One has to wonder if the tail was lifted by the buggerer or the buggeree? Just saying.

On another note, my sympathy in all of this goes to the donkey. It's like some bloke (pensioner at that) doing a kiss and tell on you AND Beyoncé at the same time, can't help but feel slightly overshadowed.

"Pensioner imprisoned..." - somehow this packs more of a punch, does it not? If this were a healthy 28 year old man, it'd be acceptable would it Guardian, wouldn't bat an eyelid? Pensioner however, he should know BETTER.

Consequently. Horses should stop being so heavily sexualised, full stop.


Imagine. That. (You already are) - that's quite enough.

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Sunday Musings #2

Hello!

It's been a fairly eventful week consisting of the following:

- Attempting to give blood and being told that this will never be possible due to past blood transfusion - boo.
- Death of a grandparent.
- Half Hearted previewing at Cannes - yay! Hi famous (Ange), it's famous here (me)... this made me do an actual lol at the time.
- Haircut - this is a biggie.
- iPhone that i'm still uncomfortable with and, will never ever say 'there's an app for that' and I don't mean to be a cunt, but that's reminded me of this one application that puts different lenses and films effects on the camera - AMAZING.
- Santorini difficulties, issues, change of circumstances if you will, but it's back on!

(I realise this isn't really in the spirit of my usual blogging)

- Broseph's 20th!
- Few more dresses.
- It's 10:40am on a Sunday morning and I just got in, minus hangover, dead sunny - sleeps in sun required - hi burn. One thing that I'm probably only putting on here because I'm still drunk is, that no matter how much I get ribbed by my wonderful friends about my sketch show of a life, they are still very very wonderful. Deffo still pissed. I'm glad that they realised that I'd go 100% dirty guts if I get thrown into a pool. In fact, I reserve this judgement until after holiday.

Anyway, although all these major events (yes.) have occured this week, the biggest thing happened. CRAIG DAVID ANNOUNCED FOR HANLEY PARK MID JUNE. I.AM.THERE.

ULTIMATE. and anybody who denies this song is a liar.

I'm spent (hahaahahaaa) for now but I'll probably delete this post later, because it's a load of rubbish. I can feel the beginning of a headache.

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Michael Haneke

I've just watched The White Ribbon (Das Weisse Band) and this just progresses my fondness and admiration of Michael Haneke.

The reasons I love Michael Haneke can be found here.



Not only is he technically courageous, as evidenced alone in the opening scenes of Code Unknown (Code inconnu: Récit incomplet de divers voyages) - one 8 minute continuous shot to open the film, but his stories are incredibly humanistic. Throughout the whole of The Piano Teacher (La pianiste) I can't help but feel anxious and nervy, as if the release so desired by Huppert's character is a craving inflicted on the audience too.

I won't go on too much but I just had to mention this man. This is without even going into Hidden (Caché), Benny's Video or Funny Games. Haneke's films aren't just films - they're texts, pieces and crafts. Disturbing to the core, compassionate to the verge of tears and beyond innovative, Haneke never fails to shake and move me in every sense. I would urge every single person, who doesn't class subtitled films as 'weird' to go out and experience Michael Haneke - don't blame me when you're staring at the screen catching flies but, I do need someone to talk about him with, so if you do, let me know eh.

xxx

Sunday Musings #1

Sunday. The day of rest. The sabbath. Commonly known as hangover day. The day where I'm full of musings from the past week or, night, if my memory serves me half as well as it has been doing lately. I think I may start jotting down my thoughts on a Sunday as a retrospective and, what's in my head there and then. This could be a very dull past time but I'm not really bothered, soz.

1. Roll Deep - what have you done? I remember the days of Racist People, I loved that song - now it's some bird (hahaa i never say that) in daft glasses (...) on about shopping on a Thursday. Really, Roll Deep? Try harder.

2. For the last 2 weeks I've had the line "When I was 13, I had my first love" in my head, a la Luda. I can't shift it. Every single day I must say it at least 5 times, and that's out of my mouth, aloud. It even popped out when I arrived at the hotel room in the early hours of this morning. It's becoming a problem.

3. I didn't think I liked hats. Last night I realised the true potential of a hat, they're great.

4. Kelis is beautiful isn't she?


5. I'm genuinely bored of ConDemNation. It's happened, let's all calm down.

6. In my experience, hen nights are fairly subdued compared to stag do's. I mean, the ludest thing on a hen night, that I've ever encountered, is an oversized phallic inflatable. Harmless loud vile women. Men on the other hand, think they can get.away.with.anything. This is a complete generalisation based on recent events (and 100% excluding the brothers) but, just a musing all the same and I think it's terrible!



7. My conservative name is Doreen Cotswold Waghorn - that's brilliant isn't it.
(grandparent, first street, headteacher)

8. It's nice to see some results - SoulBoy and Half Hearted.

9. Whiplash is fairly restrictive. So far it's affected pretty much EVERYTHING. Can't wash my hair properly, can't turn around to talk to people, can't reach for stuff, can't sleep on my side, can't try clothes on, you get the picture. Hmph. Drinking on whiplash isn't that wise - well, it is at the time, then the next day, cutting off your torso seems attractive.

10. I watched an album review of The Queen Is Dead yesterday morning. It's nearly 2 hours of pure unadulterated Smiths gush, my favourite. It was a toss up between that and the Nick Stockley Substitute 2nd Birthday mix to get me in the mood for a hen night in Chester. Usually, the latter would win but this was a welcome change - Alison Limerick's Where Love Lives seems to be following me.

That'll do for now, happy Sunday xxx